I have a 23 year background in corporate senior leadership specialising in CRM, Loyalty Marketing, global process change management and service delivery for the oil and gas (energy) sector. I have a track record for delivering global operational excellence and leading high performing teams. I had a very successful career and at the age of 37 was selected to progress my leadership career within a global energy company to C Level.
It was at this point in my career that I paused for thought to consider if I had any fuel in my own tank left to give. I am not talking about drive or ambition, I still have plenty of that to give, but I felt empty at the prospect, not full of any of the emotions I expected to feel, having reached the definition of success I had been striving for.
I paused for thought and considered the pain and panic I felt as this prospect, not potential, not pleasure. I felt confused, in chaos and even in crisis, for if I did not want this, what did I want, what was wrong with me? why did I feel this way? what was a I leading and why ? how was I really "making the difference real" - what did that corporate mantra actually mean?
The pain I felt was because I had started to absorb the concepts and culture in order to succeed, and as one of the very few women at that leadership level the changes being demanded where really hard for me to conform to, for my ways of leading and achieving success where very different to the masculine concepts that shaped the attributes of leadership in that industry and environment.
As an experienced hire I had not been conditioned before reaching this rung and there was no awareness that perhaps the reason for my success was becuase I hadn't been, and that maybe my success was becuase I did not relate with the attributes of control. It is apparent to me now that my understanding of leadership and how to lead is different, it has been no great surprise to find out what my purpose actually is a decade later.
I know now that I did not want to be related to or relate with the attributes of control that I innately knew was the root of all the business problems I had been employed to fix and all the pain and dis-ease that was evident. There was no creation or out of box thinking because everyone was in the box, robotic and they were scared of each other. Leaders where feared not revered, I did not want to be feared or relate in a way that fed the energy of fear.
Of course I did not have this awareness at the time, I just knew I was different and that was ok for it was my difference that was creating the needed change and business transformation. I refused to conform, I guess I was infuriating becuase I was called high maintenance, asked to stop being to nice, to shout at suppliers and even to wear my glasses more often for they made me look more serious. At first I was bemused and then when I realised the seriousness of the situation and that in order to climb the rung, I was under immense pressure to change how I related to others.
I could see no other path, my career was everything to me, it was who I was, I felt the pain of the relentless force to squeeze into a box, to think, feel and be a way that was painful for me and to others, that held no emotional intelligence, no consciousness. I felt like I experiencing my own earthquake, where the world I had been building gave way beneath my feet, for I was on the verge of a mental health breakdown. I could not think straight, there was no clarity for I did not know how to navigate myself, I felt like my life had turned to chaos, I confused and felt like I was having a crisis as I knew was that I could not go on accepting the unacceptable, and the pain had turned into despair.
I had been trying to conform to way of leadership where the pressure to conform intensified the higher I climbed and I knew I had tried hard to change, I knew I had dehumanised my ways of relating so much so that I did not even like myself.
I considered the sense of dis-ease I felt all the time, despite reaching the destination I had been climbing to get to, I felt the trade off in my own values, ethos, ethics, boundaries, of being conditioned, contoured and controlled to change, to conform to a way of leadership, a way of relating that to me held no emotional intelligence in a culture that did not seem to care or hold any consciousness.
I felt it but I did not have the self awareness to know why I did at the time, I thought there must be something wrong with me, I was the problem, a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. Despite the business results and performance recognition, I felt like I had failed in my leadership. I certainly never expected to find myself feeling like a failure when I had reached the top.
Just at the point where I was about to step onto the top rung, a definition of success I had relentlessly pursued, I fell off the ladder and rather like the nursery rhyme character Humpty Dumpty! it was a great fall! I fell apart and I had to put all the pieces of myself back together again. My career was over as a result of standing up, speaking out about the way that was unacceptable. I guess as a I reflect back, for offering Considerations for Change for a fairer way, a kinder way, a more conscious way that considered people in the pursuit of success, of profit.... I guess I was ahead of my time!
I needed a vat of glue to stick myself back together again and I had no idea where to find the right glue, I sought externally, I tried many healing modalities and on the QT, for I didn't want anyone to know, (what would others think of me, for back then that mattered a lot, becuase I did not think much of myself), I was even open minded enough to try more spiritual modalities. And even though I always felt a positive change - a sense of inner peace, of calm, for more fear of not fitting in to my mainstream social circles and my inner sceptic who was very cynical, I considered all a bit weird and so I just dipped a toe in and stepped right back out again.
I also really struggled with the concept of being still or rest, or relaxation of self care, self love was non existent, as I shared I did not even like myself at this point and felt I had failed, that I did not have what it took. I was terrible of just being and not doing, I felt a great wall of resistance when I tried to practice anything for my mindful health, like mediation, breathwork, even practicing yoga was a challenge, it was all too slow. I was hardwired mind and body, (soul was disconnected, unplugged), to go, go, go, do, do, do, I was the person who suffered from 'leisure sickness' every vacation, being still, rest was alien to me.
I had spent years on the corporate treadmill.
For the first 5 years after my career came to an abrupt halt. I kept busy, I set myself up in business working for myself for the first time, and launched two businesses one offering marketing support for SMES and an interior design service, for 5 years I enjoyed my creation and helping others, but it felt small, not aligned with who I really was at all or what I was meant to be doing. I tried to ignore these feelings, I did not want to step out of my comfort zone, I had glued myself back together again and I did not want to break again and so I kept up a narrative of self limiting thoughts, and I allowed the self saboteur to run the show, making sure there was limited movement so I did not risk a fall. I was frozen in fear for a long time.
But a part of me knew I had unfinished business in the world of business and within the realms of leadership. This part of me appeared to be on quest, a journey of recovery through self discovery, from pain to finding my purpose, from suffering to serenity, to turn my pain into one of gain, and not for financial gain. I was driven only by a part of me that I had separated from a long time ago. A part of me that I realised was the only thing that was ever going to put me back together again and show me my purpose.
My being, my inner intelligence, my energetic blueprint, dare I say spirit! for I no longer consider it weird.
On my own journey from pain to purpose, my quest for true success, I have experienced, studied and learnt and worked with deep spiritual wisdom grounded in ancient leadership and ways of relating. For the past 5 years I have been working on my own transformation, my own development and integrating the spiritual wisdom and healing modalities that we can all live and lead by, to aid a more balanced approach to health and wealth on every level:, mindfully, emotionally, physically, spiritually, and financially.
I now blend these tools for life and leadership into my business consultancy work to assist others on their paths to transformation. It is this wisdom that has formed the foundation and my own creation and build of The Art of Being in Business.
I have been picked up every piece and considered if that piece serves me or limits me, which pieces are the good bits, the authentic bits and which belong to manmade version of me, that I can now discard, making room for new pieces of me to grow, space for new energy from which to create. it is not an easy process for in order to heal you have to feel to truly understand and discover. I know that my leadership was cut short becuase I refused to lead in a unconscious way. I now have the wisdom to know that there is a divinity to every experience, it is just a matter or how we perceive, they are the lessons we need to grow and evolve into our purpose. If you are seeking your purpose look to your life experiences, they hold the clue.
And so, having eventually spent all my own energy working for an oil and gas energy company, I still work with the energy sector! but not with the energy generated as the output of fossil fuels, I work with the energy of you, the being of your human which holds your unique energetic blueprint, the innate super intelligence that lies within every person.
The DNA that holds your purpose, potential, power and prosperity, that knows exactly how to navigate you in life and leadership, that knows how to relate to the 5 major relationships that enable every person to excel. I show you how to rediscover it, reconnect to it, align with it, return to it, navigate with it, create with it and master it. I guide you out of the pain and into your purpose. To be the leader you were born to be. To be the change you wish to be.
I offer you Considerations for Change for a fairer way, a kinder way, an equal way, a way that promotes the potential of all people. Where the structure creates a culture of company, connection, community and creation. Where people are liberated from hurt and pain and stress through simply being free to be who they are, supported in systems and structures that enable them to move into their on potential, everyone gains! its a win win.
My consultancy services and the spirited strategies I apply to enable you to come into the Art of Being in Business are grounded in ways of relating without the attributes of control, where leaders are revered and not feared, a different understanding and definition of leadership which as I see now were the foundation for the exponential business success I had delivered, prior to being squeezed into a box, where not considered, securing a no change policy.
Often when the energy of our environment is fear based, we crave certainty and we fear change for in change there is uncertainty, and so often when change is presented it is not perceived or received positively, as a gift from which to grow. It is perceived and received as a challenge, a threat, a strike, a blow, especially when change requires a change in consciousness, it can trigger another's insecurities. For being conscious requires a navigation of the self. To consider all the pieces that need to be let go. It is not a journey for the fainthearted it for those that can relate to what I share, they do not walk away, they stand and face it and they create and build in a new way. Leaders not followers.
It is time for a change policy to be considered and consolidated into the heart of leadership, and it will be necessary for companies to remain leading edge, to sustain and remain secure through the changes that are presenting.
The awareness is here, everyone is talking about CONSCIOUS LEADERSHIP. to truly lead consciously you have to consider a new consciousness.
That consciousness is in you.
Change comes from one person and as each person changes and finds a different set of conditions that creates and supports each individual sense of Being, the collective change starts to occur.
In time a collective consciousness for change will change everything....
For more considerations for change in business leadership, I have published a book, aptly called Consider - sowing the seeds for change in business leadership. It is available to purchase from all online book retailers, including Amazon.co.uk, where it is also available in Kindle version.
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